i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
