I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize