Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
