no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
as a side note pls kill me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
