we have pet lesbian snakes
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
