Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
