hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
