bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize