whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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