Umm I'm too high to move.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
