It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
