Michael Bay diarrhea
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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