I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
