hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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