nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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