Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
