Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
