I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
