can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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