I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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