just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
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Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
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So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?