i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
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We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
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He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later