We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders