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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now

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• (661): View more from California

  i wish semen tasted like chocolate

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  his penis was the training wheels of my sex life

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  23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.

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• (310): View more from California

  Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?

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  21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky

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• (830): View more from Texas

  "can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  as a side note pls kill me

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• (510): View more from California

  How are you and your magical vagina doing today?

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