I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just tell him i said nine months
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
