They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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