If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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