so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
