I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
