Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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