How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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