Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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