Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
