I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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