Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize