she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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