Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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