discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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