Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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