it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
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