I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
