See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
