at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
