I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
