you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
