Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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