do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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