apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
