i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we're making bets on your personal life
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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