A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always time for handjobs
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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