My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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