she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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