I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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