My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
