I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
