the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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