ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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