There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
