pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Semen is not good for contacts.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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