i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
