Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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