Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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