just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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