Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
